Wednesday, 28 September 2016

CASS: HE CHEATED ON ME...

It's problem page time again on DREAMCATCHER and reader Cass has a boyfriend problems. HONEY TANBERRY is here to advise... will YOU agree with her views?

Cass says:
I've been with my boyfriend for eight and a half months and for a while now he has had something on his mind... I knew, and I've asked him about it, but he'd shrug it off and say he was fine. Last week I asked straight out what was going on, and he told me he'd explain after school. He kept stalling and I was asking if it was death, illness, if he was moving away. In the end I had to go and he said he'd make a group chat and tell me that way. The group chat was with another girl, and she had posted saying 'You should have told her sooner.' It turns out they had a conversation months ago that became flirty and sexual, and he then backed off, saying he had a girlfriend, and she had been hassling him ever since. The girl is someone we both know. He feels so guilty and I think the girl is being unfair, but my friends say I'm crazy for trusting him. I'm so mixed up. What can I do?

Honey says:
I'm not impressed with this boy's cowardice in not owning up to what he'd done - there must have come a point when he knew he wouldn't be able to hide it (you both know the girl in question, after all) yet he went on lying and saying nothing was wrong. This worries me more than what he actually did. Yes, he cheated - but he did pull back and stop things from going any further because he realised he valued the relationship he had more than an online flirtation. The big concern is his ability to deceive you in order to cover his own back. In your longer email, you say you have both promised to be more open from now on, and that is vital - without honesty, this relationship is going nowhere. I sense that you still care for your boyfriend and he may well care for you, but that the opinions of those around you are against the relationship. What would I do? Well, I'm stubborn and I don't like being told what to do, so in your shoes I would probably go with my heart and give him another chance. BUT... this is not a no-strings deal. He has deceived you, and he needs to take responsibility. I'd insist he told the girl to back right off and stop spreading rumours, making it clear there will never be anything between them, and treat you so well that nobody can even start to doubt his feelings. He also needs to know that if he lies to you again or goes behind your back, he's toast. I cannot promise you that this story will have a happy ending, but at least you'll know you gave the relationship a chance. Good luck.

Cathy says:
Unexpected advice from Honey... but I can see where she is coming from! A second chance may work in this situation - but only if both partners are determined to give it their best shot. There can be no third or fourth chances. What advice would YOU give to Cass? COMMENT BELOW to share your thoughts...

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