Sunday, 31 May 2015

YOU CAN'T CHOOSE WHO YOU FALL FOR...

Readers share their stories of discovering that they were different...

Carrie says:
I have been attracted to both boys and girls in the past, but a little more towards girls. I can't fall for someone unless I have a strong emotional bond with them, though, and I stayed quiet for a long time about how I felt because I thought people would reject me for this. In fact, once I began to talk about it it has been fine… people accept me for who I am. I was so glad that both friends and family were totally cool with it. I have fallen for a lot of girls, but I've never been in a relationship with a girl because so far all of the girls I've liked have been straight. That sucks, but I have to deal with it - you can't choose who you fall for, right?

Dizzy says:
I have spent the last few years wondering about myself, but I've come to the conclusion that labels don't really matter so much to me. I like boys, I like girls, I like people who identify as neither boy nor girl. I am attracted to people, but I'm just not interested in anything sexual or romantic which not everyone can understand. People have been assuming I was gay for years because I love mens clothes - they're cheaper, last longer, look better and are far more comfortable than make up, miniskirts and heels. My mum and my sister are fine with this, but one of my grandfathers is old school and I am not ready to tell him yet.

Kaz says:
I am only thirteen and I haven't experienced much, but I am pretty sure that I like girls. I first fell in love with my own homeroom teacher, a woman, which wasn't allowed… but you cannot help your feelings. She was an inspiration to me and she talked to me and seemed to understand everything about me. Other students would make light hearted jokes about how I liked her, but I didn't care. I knew nothing could ever happen of course, and now she has moved away and lives two hours from here. Still, I would like to meet her again one day. I believe that everyone should have someone they love, young or old, boy or girl.You don't get to choose. Love is really special, in my opinion.

Camille says:
I have known I was gay since I was eleven, but had no clue how to handle the knowledge so kept quiet. We moved and I started a new school and I made a new friend, and confided in her about my feelings; I also made the mistake of telling her I liked a girl in our class. Of course, my so-called 'friend' told everyone and school became a nightmare. I began to fake colds and bugs to avoid going to class - I couldn't face it. In the end, my mum got the truth out of me and she went into action straight away. She spoke to the head teacher and told her everything, and I called ChildLine (on 0800 1111), and they were a great help. They arranged a counsellor for me and she really helped me. Now, a year on, I go to school without a worry - and with a smile on my face.

Illustrations by talented reader Kaylee… thank you!

Cathy says:
Thank you to the brave readers who have spoken out so honestly… I hope their stories show that you really can't help who you fall for, and that not being 'straight' does not have to be a big deal. COMMENT BELOW to have your say!

9 comments:

  1. I'm asexual and homoromantic. That means I'm attracted to girls romantically but I don't want to go any further than kissing (it's different for most asexuals - it's not what they do that defines their orientation, it's their desire or in this case, the lack of that). I didn't even know the terms until I was 18 and I'd spent years before that wondering if there was something wrong with me. Everyone's heard of being gay or bisexual but no one had ever mentioned being completely uninterested. I only told one friend before finding out there was a reason for how I felt. He stared at me for a bit before saying "You are the WEIRDEST 17 year old I've ever met!" Thanks for the vote of confidence! Being asexual is very tricky at my age. I've decided I'm not going to have relationships because I can't deal with being dumped all the time or, worse, being coerced or guilt tripped into something I don't want to do. It's sad because I still want romance and cuddles but I think I'm safer alone. I always have cats to cuddle with. Another problem is trying to explain it to people. I've been accused of making it up, trying to be special and attention seeking because I don't fit into the straight/gay/bi boxes. I had to block one guy after he told me I'd enjoy it if I was forced into it and I'm currently not talking to a supposed "friend" after he told me I should just try a man. And he honestly doesn't know why I was offended by that, can you believe?! Still, if idiots want to be idiots, I shouldn't let it affect me. It took me so long to work out who I was and be comfortable with that and I'm not prepared to be bullied back into hiding again. I even have a lovely shirt with the asexual flag on it (it's a man's size medium, of course - Dizzy speaks the truth when she says male clothes are way comfier). I can't help how I feel. No one can. So it's kind of stupid that people bully others for something they can't change.

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    Replies
    1. Blue, I must say, that was beautiful. Thank you for your amazing piece! I am heterosexual/romantic myself, but I am a big supporter of gay rights. :)

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    2. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE!! I'm straight, but I'm 17 and still terrified about having my first kiss because it seems like to most people it's just a step towards IT, and as I have no interest in going that far I also find it safer just to be alone. For some reason there's this idea that if you're a pretty girl, you'll jump into bed willingly, and that really bugs me. For me to even consider someone romantically, we'd first have to have a connection intellectually, it's just how I am. - Lauren WS

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  2. I don't know yet... Though I may have a tiny crush on a boy I've known since age 1?! I'm really not sure, but I do know not to stereotype relationships- love has no gender, age, race, religion and I totally accept that.
    At the age of 11 I still have time to think about a relationship in a few years or so, it's definitely not somewhere I'm gonna go now!
    Xxx

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  3. I'm bi myself and have known since the age of 11 ( I'm 15 now) and I'm not exactly out and proud, but a few close friends and my sisters know, so better than nothing!
    Cathy would you ever write a book focusing on a gay/lesbian character? That would be so good!!

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  4. I hate the fact that everyone likes to label things: that really annoys me! Not everyone fits perfectly into a label.

    I can't form trust to build a relationship with a person unless I have an emotional connection with them. It means that I have to get to know the person both inside and out. I'm not bothered about the gender of the person; to me, it's just another label.

    People think I'm really weird because I'm not interested in a relationship at the minute: I got into a relationship when I was fifteen with a guy who was a year older than me. It lasted for two and a half years, and then it ended badly, hence the trust issues. A part of me thinks I got into the relationship too young, seeing as I was naïve and inexperienced. Sometimes I see pictures of young and happy couples that I know, and it makes me feel a bit left out and upset because a part of me misses what I had.

    At the minute, I'm quite happy being my own person. I have the rest of my life to find another special person, or to decide if I would rather be on my own. I need to find that out for myself in my own time.

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  5. I'm pretty certain I'm straight, however I'm one of few in my group of friends. Until recently, although I knew about homosexuality, I didn't really quite realise there was a whole spectrum of gender and sexuality identification. My friends were helped in understanding by Tumblr and then they in turn taught me a bit more - I think schools need to educate us more on this area because some of my friends say they struggled to come to terms with their sexuality when they didn't fit into the straight/gay/bi boxes and it took them a while to discover they weren't alone.

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  6. I am in love with somebody out of bounds - gotta hurt.

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